Updated: Jan 6
Have you ever been in a heated argument with your partner, family or colleague and said something out of anger? Did this action hurt the other person, or worse, were you completely out of line and the inability to control your anger blew up in your face?
Ouch, tell me about it!
Understanding how to respond instead of reacting to a situation is as simple, or hard as managing your emotions. Here you will learn five moments in which remaining silent will allow you to gain composure before saying something that may get you in more hot water.
Anger is a natural, instinctive response to a threat which allows us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger is a handy little tool to use as a motivator too! For example, when someone tells you, you can’t do that and you inwardly say I’ll show you. Girl, that is using anger as a motivator!
Now, let’s talk about how to maintain your composure during any heated situation by remembering these little moments as tools for you to be your best.
Be silent in the heat of anger.
Talk to me, who has blurted out all kinds of nonsense in retaliation to a specific situation. Moreover, did it help? Keeping ourselves in check by taking a few deep breaths and getting centered with ourselves before speaking is a great way to keep it together in the worst of moments.
Be Silent when you are feeling critical.
I have done it, have you? Picture this, You are sitting there focused on what you are doing and some one disrupts your flow to share something that is either irrelevant or not done well, ( to your expectations- we can talk about expectations later). Before you say something you may regret, take a moment to identify why this person has you upset in the first place. Breath!! Stay in your integrity. Breath, again! Then restate the horribleness that almost came out of your mouth and reword it as you get your point across without being offensive.
Be Silent when you don’t have all the facts.
Man, it’s like these moments are talking to me. Have you ever put yourself between your best friend and their partner. Yep, I said it! I stuck my nose where I really shouldn’t have. Like when my best friend shared that her boyfriend cheated on her, but she forgot to tell me that she cheated on him too.
First and foremost, this moment was definitely none of my business! Most importantly, cheating never solves the problem. However, what I learned from this experience is that I can support my friends in their hour of need by listening to them, by being a sounding board for their thoughts and feelings, maybe even supporting them as they create a plan to get themselves back on track.
Be SIlent if your words will offend a person.
Have you ever been in a heated argument with your Mother? You know the type of discussion that becomes heated because you have not lived up to their expectations of you and you just want to tell her all about herself. But then you stop!
That was a good thing that you stopped yourself. The one thing that I share with my clients daily is that our Parents have raised us the way they were raised. What does that mean?
Well, unless you are raised by interdependent parents who are self- sufficient and have a healthy sense of Self. Then your parents are codependent and they have taught you how to be codependent too. Being angry at your Mother for something she probably isn’t aware of is futile, and you saying something terrible to momentarily feel better by getting a jab or two in will not help the situation.
This is a moment for you to take 3 Deep Breaths, maybe nine and pull yourself together.
I, We, All of us are flawed human beings doing the best that we can with what we know. Maintaining our composure in these situations will prevent you from offending a person and potentially making the moment worse. Be Better!!
Be Silent if you can’t say it without screaming.
The process of screaming at another person is rude and destructive. I will admit that this is at times till my Modus Operandi. Why do we do it? Predominantly, we use this tactic out of fear. Because the person screaming does not feel heard in the relationship. I have heard myself say, “ this is the way I am- deal with it”, I know, it is horrific.
The thing is we all can do better by learning the skills needed to improve how we communicate with each other. Just because you Parents spoke to each other that way does not mean you have to adopt the same behaviour. You remember what it felt like to witness this as a child and I know you definitely know how it feels to be on the receiving end of this behaviour from a colleague, manager or friend.
These five moments are tools we each can use in a variety of situations. Learning how to maintain our composure in the heat of the moment allows you to become compassionate with the person before you. Maybe, even take a look at the situation from their point of view and then respond.
Let me know by writing in the comments below how using the 5 Moments where you should stay silent, as tools, will work for you or have worked out for you.
The purpose of these little tidbits of information is to stay soft and honest with ourselves and open up a little space to be compassionate for others.
Remember, when we value ourselves, we value each other.
Click here to learn more tools and gain confidence in navigating your everyday life.
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