Arguing can be masterfully executed or down right destructive.
Have you ever been in an argument where you felt worse after the conflict?
Did you use hurtful words to wound the other person instead of dealing with the topic before you?
Yeah, I know, we all have!
Arguing is something we all experience and today you will learn how to argue with a solution focused mindset and leave the instigating hurtful tactics in the past.
Emotions can get the best of you especially when you have unresolved triggers from past experiences that you have not taken the time to unpack. Here are 7 tips to help you navigate those moments by being focused on resolving the issue before you.
1. Keep it logical- Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
Self-regulating your own emotions allows you to keep focused on resolving the argument by allowing your cool logical self to listen and respond.
2. Use “ I “ statements
Have you ever been in a situation where your partner, colleague or friend continually refers to what you did wrong? Ouch, yeah that is hurtful. By using “ I “ statements, you both can dodge the accusations and focus on coming up with a plan to solve the disagreement.
3. Don’t bring up the past.
The past stays in the past. Bringing up those previous points of conflict can break down the conversation between you and the other person, which takes you down a funnel of disharmony and dilutes your attention from the topic at hand.
4. Listen and clarify what you don’t understand.
This is a great one!!
Be present in the conversation and listen with soft ears. When he or she says something you don’t understand, STOP and say “ just to clarify” and repeat what you heard. Sometimes what we hear is not what is being said because the unresolved triggers from the past are clouding our judgement. By stopping the conversation and asking for clarification you can stay focused on the topic at hand.
5. Make requests not complaints.
It is easier to complain than it is to resolve a challenge.
There is a tool that I use in my practice called- Observation & Request. Instead of complaining about what the other person's doing, make a request. When both people are speaking with a solution mindset it makes it easier to express a request to solve the challenge.
6. Take a time out.
Arguing for long periods of time can have you lose sight of what started the topic to begin with. Taking a time out, ensures you can calm down and think about what you want, then resume the discussion in a calm manner and get to what you both want.
7. Decide what is worth an argument.
Is it worth it! Are you going to get anything out of it? Sometimes you or your partner are just reacting to events of the day. It has nothing to do with you. Let it slide and move on.
The art of arguing is a skill that you can master while maintaining your integrity under pressure.
Using these seven tips will help you argue with confidence.
You will gain the upper hand by keeping a cool and logical head and teach your partner, colleague or friend a more refined way of expressing themselves by being solution focused.
Use it in good health.
Remember: when we value ourselves, we value each other.
Click here to learn more tools and gain confidence in navigating your everyday life.
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