Molestation- how to heal, live and thrive.

Have you ever heard about the boiling frog theory? It describes a frog slowly being boiled alive. Well, it's a true story and it goes like this.

In this article we will describe what the boiling frog theory is and how it relates to navigating the everyday experiences in life. How sharing my own story of sexual abuse can help others to transcend the pain of their thoughts, learn to live a joyous life and feel comfortable in their own skin again.

TRIGGER WARNING- this story includes themes of alcohol and sexual abuse.

Movement is Life.

If a frog is suddenly placed into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. However, if the frog is placed in a pot of cool water and the heat is turned on, as the temperature of water incrementally increases, so will the frog's temperature, as it adjusts to that of the water. Until it boils to death because it has not noticed a change in the temperature.

I know, it sounds horrible, because it is, but stay with me.

What are you doing right now in your life that models the frog in the boiling water theory?

Okay, I will be super transparent here and share a truth that caused me an extreme amount of pain for 30 years. I hope that by sharing it it will help you, too.

TRIGGER WARNING- this story includes themes of alcohol and sexual abuse.

I remember one Summer afternoon when I was thirteen. My uncle picked up a bunch of my cousins and me. He took us to a beautiful lagoon where we were all enjoying the beauty of our surroundings, swimming and laughing. It was the best I had felt in my skin for months.

My Uncle was pulling each of one us unto his knee and throwing our arched bodies into the air as we splashed like cascading waterfalls landing in the lagoon.

As we laughed and carried on, I swam to him and sat on his lap, awaiting my turn to be tossed again. He slowly slid his fingers inside of my bathing suit bottoms and I froze. He proceeded to fondle me in the most horrific way, I turned completely numb. I don't think I took a breath. I thought, this is my favorite Uncle. Why dare he do this? It was such an awful experience.

My intellectual coping mechanism kicked in for many years, and it said, yes, I was molested at a young age. That was then and this is now, or so I thought.

The truth is, this moment truly affected every facet of my life. It tarnished my self-confidence. I was uncomfortable in my own skin in so many ways. It was almost impossilbe for me to relax and enjoy the naturalness of a sexual relationship without having one, two or three cocktails.

As the water grew warmer, the lie that I told myself for over thirty years is that, this is no big deal. The pain, shame and embarrassment of something I had no control over was the hot water I was boiling in.

My Uncle took something from me. He took my dignity. He did it in such a way that it morphed my ability to connect intimately with another person. I over compensated by pouring my love into everyone in such a way as to not love myself. Giving to others without giving to myself left me empty and depleted.

As the story's temperature of being molested incrementally increased, I decided to go in a different direction by stopping the boiling water, jumping out and creating something new.

I took the time to get the help I needed to process through those emotions and take back my integrity, my ability to be intimate by connecting to myself as a woman and as a human being. I was able to gain self-confidence and enjoy a healthy sexual relationship.

If you want to learn a few simple tools that can help you rewrite the suffering of a past traumatic experience, then click here and book your consultation.

Then and only then was I able to feel comfortable in my skin again.

Do you feel like your water is getting a little warm? Are you ready to jump?

When you stand in stillness nothing changes. In motion, new paths are created.

Remember, when we value ourselves, we value each other.

Much love,

Vanessa

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