Expectation when held onto for a long period of time can grow into Resentment. It feels like that pit in your stomach when you see that person who you think wronged you five, ten or twenty years ago.
Anger, resentment and hatred are poisons you choose to drink with an expectation that it will kill the other person. As Sadguru said, “ it just doesn’t work like that. You drink the poison, you die.”
Here is the thing; those long standing grudges you are holding onto only hurt you ; )
That is Resentment in a nutshell!
Resentment and Expectations work together as one. The interesting point here is- we each have complete control over what we choose to do. It is our choice to hold onto the built up anger and disappointment that goes along with unfulfilled expectations we toss unto another person.
A common example in relationships is expecting your partner to love you in a certain way that you never shared with them. They don't know what you want and both people grow tired of trying and become bitter, angry and resentful in the relationship thereby causing a divorce.
Today’s tip is a great tool that will stop you from enduring unnecessary suffering, which I learned from Jayson Gaddis. This magical tool will help you become aware of your projected expectations.
You will need a piece of paper and a pencil or pen.
Using the example above, think about cause and effect.
Step one: state the resentment and write it down. You resent the person, for example, for not loving you the way you want them to.
Step 2: state the expectation that caused the resentment and write it down. You resent that person, for example, because you expected him/her to love you the way you wanted.
Step three: take responsibility for the expectation causing the resentment and apologize to her/him and to yourself. Write that down and then say it to the person and to yourself.
What you just witnessed is your expectation for the other person to be different than who they are.
This quick tip will improve the relationship you have with yourself and with others as you learn to modify your expectations and live your best life!
Remember: when we value ourselves, we value each other.
Click here to learn more tools and gain confidence in navigating your everyday life.