Who is your everybody and why do you live your life for them and not you?
Today's Blog is all about taking a look at our lives from a 360 degree view
and learning how to do what we want while taking care of our responsibilities.
Have you ever experienced the feeling of not giving enough time or attention to everybody and everything, yet, felt exhausted?
I know, me too!
These beautiful plates are examples of how we place so many items on the table that make it overwhelming to navigate. I also love using the spinning plates as an analogy because each plate represents a facet of our daily life. Imagine each spinning plate consisting of a daily or weekly task, responsibilities with our colleagues at work or with loved ones and friends.
Each interaction has the ability to drag us down. That weight has everything to do with if we live our lives for others and not for ourselves. Why do we do it?
Quite frankly, we are built to care about what others think of us.
Why is that!
In a word: Acceptance
A big part of having so many plates filled with responsibilities outside of ourselves is that we feel we must do it all in order to be liked, appreciated or accepted by our everybody.
Our " Everybody" can be defined as an imaginary group that provides us with constant scrutiny. It is modeled after a few of the cruelest people from our childhood who hurt our feelings or crushed our dreams, and to avoid further attacks, we desperately try to live up to their irrelevant standards. Sociologists regard this imaginary group as our generalized other. The Everybody we have chosen can be our greatest cheerleaders or tyrants based on the specific moment.
Are you more interested in what others think of you, more than what you think or want for yourself?
How do you know if what you are thinking is coming from you or from your everybody?
Great question!
Ask yourself any of these questions to further clarify who your Everybody Crew is.
Everybody thinks I'm --------------------------?
Everybody wants me to --------------------?
Everybody is always telling me---------- ?
Everybody expects me to -----------------?
After you have answered them, can you remember who were the first few people who told you how to think, what to want, what to say or what you are expected to do?
Okay, now that you have met your Everybody Crew. What can you do about it?
The interesting thing is that it stems from whether we are making decisions from our Essential Self or Social Self. Our Essential Self is our genotype, true nature or plainly put, what you are born to be. Our Social Self is formed from our familial environment and is a response to the culture that raised you.
Our Everybody Crew is derived from our Social Self. Do you know what happens to us when we consistently make decisions based on them and not you (Essential Self)?
When we accomodate the needs or wants of others, it can manifest in many ways such as anxiety, stress or depression.
For me, once I learned the difference between my Social Self and my Essential Self, life became a lot easier. I won't lie and say that it was easy to do because it wasn't. However what I have gained is the ability to make decisions that benefit me and that make me happy too!
To learn how to connect with your Essential Self, click here to book your consultation.
It is a daily practice and sometimes I fall back into those old patterns of listening to my Everybody Crew. Then I feel myself becoming anxious again and I ask myself a simple question: am I doing this because I want to? This question allows us to become aware
of what we want and then make a decision.
There is a great phrase by Socrates, "How others judge me is none of my business."
If there is something you hate so much that it makes you feel, literally and figuratively, sick, then do less of that. However, If there is something that makes you happy, in every aspect of your life, then do more of that.
The spinning plates can be challenging because we can't pay attention to all of the plates spinning at the same time before one or more of them come crashing down.
Do your best to eliminate those plates that stress you out!!
Focus on making decisions from your Essential Self. This will allow you to make decisions that don't drain you, but align with your true self and by default fill you.
Remember: when we value ourselves, we value each other.
Take care,
Vanessa
Click here to learn more tools and gain confidence in navigating your everyday life.
Blog # 10