Have you ever experienced a week where everything is completely overwhelming and you don't know what to do?
This week I am sharing directly from my heart because this week is going to be a week where, one, I put my fabulous dog to sleep and two my autistic son is having surgery. Now, when I tell you it's an overwhelming week, I'm being completely honest and speaking from the heart.
As many of you know, he's severely autistic and he's having a brain surgery because over the last two years he has experienced weight gain and increased immobility.
That didn't make any sense. We have lowered his portion sizes and he's lost some weight, but his immobility has continued to become worse and worse. He's had physical therapy for one year. We pushed the doctors along with the staff for another assessment.
The neurologist came and saw him. Zach was scheduled for an MRI and they were able to see that there was a cyst in his brain between his left and right hemisphere. This is the reason why he's lost so much of his mobility and actually some of his processing. So where you and I can think about something and go, this is the next sequence and this is the next sequence and this is the next sequence. He's very slow in it, which is something that he wasn't at before.
At the date of this blog, he's actually going to have surgery and I have so many mixed emotions about this because one of them is, of course, he's having surgery that's always dangerous in whatever aspect. The surgery that he is having is actually rather common and he happens to be in one of the best neurological hospitals in the world.
They're so good at doing this specific surgery. So with that, I have peace. But the thing that I struggle with are my emotions, because we all know, what we talk about in this channel all the time, is that circumstances create thoughts and thoughts, create emotions and feelings and emotions and feelings create action and behavior.
There's going to be a thought. And just because there's a thought, it doesn't mean that you need to engage. Those thoughts create emotions and feelings and emotions and feelings are what most of us get stuck in that prevents us from moving forward because it's the fear within us, the fear of not knowing what to do next. The fear of the unknown is what keeps you stuck in that moment.
This is the secret to working through any challenge. When you recognize this formula, the evaluating framework taught to me by Martha Beck. Martha says, circumstances create thoughts. Thoughts create emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings create action and behavior. It helps you feel more in control of any challenge you are facing when you recognise the evaluating framework works in any challenge or situation. Just because there's an action here, just because there's a situation here or a challenge here doesn't mean that you can't be self-reflective and be accountable to yourself and be responsible to yourself and look at the situation for the reality of what it is, regardless of what your thoughts say, regardless of what your emotions lead you to. We can always come back to recognize every single challenge we live and deal with in life has a thought, has an emotion, and has an action and behavior.
Regarding Zach, although I've been really good about addressing my emotions and understand where they are coming from. I can become self reflective to access- where are these horrible, limiting and damaging belief that I tell myself coming from? For example, I'm not a good mother because Zach is autistic and lives in a gruppboende or If he lived with me he would not have a cyst in his brain. All of these ridiculous hurtful things that I tell myself- aren't true!
What destructive and hurtful words do you use to put yourself down?
Know those words are coming from a place of insecurity or fear of the unknown.
You are wonderful in every way and the things you are learning here are skill sets.
Self mastery is a skill we can each improve. Which makes more sense than tearing ourselves down, right?
Feel free to use these tools- recognize all circumstances, challenges or situations elicit, thoughts. Thoughts create emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings create action and behavior. So by being able to remember, am I or my thoughts getting away from me? Why? Is it because I'm afraid? Absolutely. ask yourself- Why am I afraid of addressing this challenge, situation or circumstance? Begin to recognize what exactly is triggering me at this moment. What action and behavior will I use to address this specific moment.
Because, of course, there's going to be another one. And when I say, of course, there's going to be another one in this week where my son is actually having surgery, we're also putting my Rhodesian to sleep. Now, My Rhodesian is the most amazing dog. He's nine years old. He's been my constant companion. The idea of having something you love so much, this being that's part of your family and literally scheduling to euthanize him.
I had a big problem with this week because how do you know when it's time? How do you know if maybe if he feels a little bit better, if you do something else, that he can stay alive for a little bit longer? How do you play God? Really? That's the question with another being. My husband gave me this really great insight and he says, you know, there's a big difference between our children's and another human being and feeling that pressure of feeling like a god over their life, whether they live or die, versus having one of our animals because our animals, we bring them into our life.
They are companions and they also trust us to feed them. Because if we're really honest, when you have a dog, they're basically like six month old children, forever. We feed them, take them out to the bathroom. If the animal gets sick, you take care of them. They're completely dependent on you and the family structure to take care of them.
When it comes to a point in life when the animal actually isn't feeling well, it's important to give them the integrity, the honour and the love that they gave to us by being able to make that hard decision. Not for the benefit of you, but for the benefit of your animal as it's own being and making sure that they go out with integrity to the best of your abilities.
Right? And that's when I choose to switch my mindset when it came to here's this animal. Yes, but it's a part of our family and he's been with us for nine years and he's amazing.
So this week, it's really important in our everyday life when you're experiencing these incredible moments of sadness and you're in a place where you don't know what to do or how to do it, it's important to just stop and reflect upon what is it that's going on at this moment in time and what do I want to happen out of this moment in time?
By having that ability to be self-reflective and recognize what is the best decision you can make with what you know now moving forward and then create a plan in your mind or write it down in your notebook and take the first actionable step. Once you take that actionable step and you complete it, then you take the next actionable step and you complete it until you have achieved your plan.
Do this with every single individual situation, break it down in this way, and it doesn't become so overwhelming. When you think of the evaluating framework of what helps us navigate our life. Remember circumstances create thoughts. Thoughts create emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings create actions and behavior. For we each experience multiple challenges or situations throughout every day or every week or every month or every year. And just because there's a thought there doesn't mean you need to engage. It's just this is what's coming up for you right now.
Ask yourself- What is the action that I'm going to use in this moment that's going to help me move through this challenge? Look at it for the reality that it is and get from where I am to where I want to be.
When we experience circumstances, that create thoughts, create emotions and feelings and emotions and feelings create actions and behaviour. It gives you a little sense of I am in control of what happens in my life because every time a challenge or a situation happens, this is what each and every one of us go through when a challenge pops up.
Lets repeat this section, again, to drive it home ; )
There's going to be a thought. And just because there's a thought, it doesn't mean that you need to engage. And those thoughts create emotions and feelings and emotions and feelings are what most of us get stuck in that prevents us from moving forward because it's the fear within us, the fear of not knowing what to do next. The fear of the unknown is what keeps you stuck in that moment.
When you recognize this formula, the theory of circumstances create thoughts. Thoughts create emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings create action and behavior. It helps you feel more in control of just because there's an action here, just because there's a situation here or a challenge here doesn't mean that I can't be self-reflective and be accountable to myself and be responsible to myself and look at the situation for the reality of what it is, regardless of what my thoughts say, regardless of what my emotions lead me to, I can always come back to recognize every single challenge I live and deal with in life has a thought, has an emotion, and has an action and behavior.
It's up to you and me as individuals to go now that I'm in this moment in time, I can hold myself accountable. I can be honest to myself, and I can be reliable and responsible to get me from this moment in time to where I want to be. That's self reflection and that's awareness and all of that is part of that same evaluating framework process.
So when you have a challenge, you know, there's always going to be a thought, there's always going to be an emotion, and it's up to us which action and behavior we're going to choose to get us from this challenging moment to being solution focused and getting to where we want to be in life. So I trust that by sharing this in credibly challenging week that you guys can also recognize that each and every one of us experience challenges every single day.
And those moments are just part of the journey of life. And those moments turn into experiences. Those experiences are wisdom, and the moments and experiences and wisdom are a culmination of what drives us forward and living the most magnificent life. Because we learn a lesson. We learn something every single time we push through a challenge or circumstance.
I trust that by sharing this information about my son having surgery, being a hellacious week along with putting my dog to sleep you remember this, that every single challenge has a circumstance, has a thought, has an emotion, and has an action and behavior that you are in complete control of you choose to engage. That's what helps you to be accountable to yourself. That's what helps you to be vulnerable to the reality of the situation and being responsible to yourself and getting you from where you are to where you want to be.
Use these tools in good health. I'm grateful that you allow me to be part of your wellness journey, and every time that you use this wonderful theory of circumstances, creating thoughts, thoughts, creating emotions and feelings, emotions and feelings, creating action and behavior for you that you write it down in the in the comments below and share with me and share with our community how it worked out for you.
What you learned about yourself, and how you can really see that you're gaining confidence by understanding that you are in complete control with every single situation that's in your life. So the way that I shared my two situations this week, share with me below and we'll have this whole building up of our community and being supportive and loving with each other.
So, you know, every Thursday I post a new video and when you go to my website, Vanessa Leigh Curly dot com, I have a blog there as well and you can always read it. And in the future I'll be putting in a a subscription membership subscription, a membership site where we can actually go in deeper and have more information in which all you buy wonderful community has access to.
Every Wednesday we post new blog.
Have a great week and thank you for I am honoured to be helping you in your journey to wellness.
I'll see you in the next one.
Much Love,
Vanessa